A Change is Gonna Come

It's been over a year since I last posted. A lot has happened in my life - some exciting things, some things I could've done without, but life keeps going. That's how it works, right? You roll with the punches and keep going?

In the past year:

• I've had a relapse
• Ronnie and I made the decision to not have children (a story for another day)
• I started a new part-time job
• I gained another niece and 2 more nephews - well, one is still refusing to come out and play (looking at you ELI!)
• Ronnie and I bought a house! WHAT?!?!? (lots of stories about home ownership already)
• I gave up church for lent (pretty sure I need to write a book)
• this list could go on for a while...quite a lot has happened

I have thought frequently about blogging. It's more therapy for me than anything else and I've needed some therapy during the last 13 months! I've come to believe that people who think they don't need help in some form are crazier than I am (and that's saying something).

So, I don't know how frequently I'll post or what I'll post about. Worship is still near and dear to my heart, so you may get post related to that periodically. I may post some of the recipes for dishes I fix when people come to visit for all of you who are constantly wanting me to cook you something. If you actually want ME to cook it, you have to come and see me! 

Loose

This week. Well, it has been better than last week. Today wasn't super productive, but there's always tomorrow, right?

I have actually started a food journal this week. A friend offered to be my "accountability partner". So far. So good. Writing down that cherry cordial milkshake was a little more painful than drinking it. :-)

Today I successfully found a "mom and pop's" jewelry store and I am already in love with them. While at the mall yesterday, I was going to have a lady at one of the jewelry stores clean my wedding rings. When she inspected them, she said I had 2 loose stones. Well, I'm not exactly excited about chain jewelry stores (spoiled by Lang's in Cape Girardeau), so I put a message on Facebook and I received a lot of responses (FB rocks for things like that!). I did a little research, made my choice and I have 3 loose stones - not 2 (EEK!) - but I will have the rings back in a week and they will look lovely! I found a beautiful pair of earrings, an awesome ring, and a pearl necklace, that I would happily wear, while I was there (about 15 minutes).

I'm still job hunting...and considering school (bluh) - like medical transcription or something else that's more of a 1 year program. I honestly don't know what God would have me do. I feel like I have many gifts and I could use them in many places, but I just feel so uncertain about the job thing. Thoughts?

M.I. 75 - Week 1 Review

FAIL!

I am refusing to weigh until after the 1st of the year, but I can tell you my pants are still tight. That could be because I only worked out 2 hours last week and Mrs. Martha at church gave us a plate of cookies for Christmas. Yes, 2 hours is better than not doing it at all, but I am well aware of the fact that 2 hours a week isn't going to help me drop 75 lbs.

Life is crazy this time of year. I'm hoping that after the first of the year it will be easier to build working out into my schedule so that I can be more consistent.

UGH!

M.I. 75

It began today. M.I. 75. Curious? If so, you're way to easy! 

I got up yesterday and stood on the scale for about the 5th time since I finished the round of steroids and tore ligaments in my foot. IT HAS NOT MOVED. Why is this a problem? I gained 7lbs during the round of steroids. 7lbs. in 15 days. How is that even possible? I was hoping it was fluid. Nope. And for those of us who are paying attention - I could NOT afford to gain weight. Period. Yet, here we are!

I'm beyond mad! My body sucks. It doesn't function properly and I HATE it with a passion! So, I've implemented M.I. 75. I need to lose at LEAST 75lbs. and it seems like an impossible feat. I'm starting by putting one foot in front of the other. If I make massive changes I will NOT stick with it. One change at a time. I'm choosing consistency with exercise and change 1.

I have an appointment with an endocrinologist in February. Hopefully she can help give a little insight into what in the world is going on with my body, medically speaking, but I cannot afford to just sit around in the meantime.

Do I think it's fair that I have to workout 10x harder (ok maybe not 10, but for those of you who have ever experienced metabolic issues, you know what I mean) than other people and still not see results? Nope. Am I going to do it anyways. Yep. Because I'm ANGRY! Today I went to the gym before I did anything else. I walked a mile, stretched, did squats (HATE them!), biceps and triceps. Day 1. Success.

I really don't care if anyone reads this...it's mostly for me. If I force myself to update it every week, perhaps that will shame me into going to the gym more consistently.  Having to admit that I either went or was a loser and didn't might just do the trick.

Living Life to the Fullest

First of all, I did my 10 miles this week. I have figured out that the day after my MS meds, is NOT a good day to plan to exercise, so next week I'm going to plan accordingly. I sweat like a freakin' pig and it isn't pretty. I smell like a moose when I'm done. That basically means that I need to exercise first thing in the morning or it isn't going to get done because I would need another shower (and hair and make-up - and that's not happening more than once a day!).

When people tell you that you feel better when you exercise, they're either from another planet or they are liars - or perhaps they're delusional. It's simply not true. Even when I was thin, I HATED most things that resembled exercise and it did NOT make me feel better. In fact, it made/still makes me a little angry (or a lot angry depending on the day!). Why am I doing it? Because my sis-in-law showed me the error of my ways through actions of her own and I'm striving to simply be better...not just at exercising, but at life.

I was given this life and I intend to live it to the fullest. Right now, I'm not sure what that looks like.

Wednesday it meant having breakfast with a dear friend, catching up, and talking about what God is doing in our lives, then having lunch with 2 other friends just to spend time together.

Thursday it meant going to "girl's breakfast" and stopping on the way to take a scone to a mama who works and can't go to "girl's breakfast".

Yesterday it meant fighting with my computer over coupons (the computer won - I used hubby's Mac to print them) and grocery shopping, then spending the evening laughing with friends at The Root Cafe.

Today it meant spending the day with my husband, renting a movie from Redbox and grilling hot dogs.

As I have sat and thought this week about living my physical life to the fullest should look like, I've also thought about my spiritual life. I had a friend tell me that Christians shouldn't look any different than non-Christians - we're all human. I disagree. I don't think we should be all 'holier than thou', but I think our lives should reflect the light of Christ. And perhaps a reason many people don't go to church is because they see too many Christians who are one or the other - no different than themselves, or 'holier than thou'.  The word hypocrite is thrown around a lot when people start listing their reasons for not having anything to do with the church.

I hope my life reflects that I don't have it all together, but I'm working on it because I want to be more like Jesus.

A New Week

Last week, I met my exercise goal of intentional exercise 4 days. The last 2 days I walked 2 miles each day.

This week, I'm going to set a distance goal - 10 miles. Over a week's period of time that doesn't seem like a lot, but that will double my walking distance from last week. I did a 45 minute program one day, walked one mile, the next day, and then did 2 miles on the last two days.

This weekend was pretty good. Friday evening, we went out with a couple of friends for dinner. Saturday we went to Weathervane Theater to see a production of Annie. It is one of their Youth Series (typically a youth only cast) productions and it was fabulous! We went to eat dinner right after (the show began at 3:30) and I received a text from a friend inviting us a to piano concert. I am so glad we went.

The pianist is a professor of jazz studies at Eastman School of Music. His name is Bill Dobbins. He played Gershwin. AH-MAAA-ZING! However, it was 5,000 degrees in the church and there was this:

Exactly what do you think the average age of their congregation is?

Driving Mr. and Mrs. Daisy

This past week, I went home to help out my mom and dad while they got back on their feet after surgery. It's nice to be needed and to have something to do. It's good to have a reason to get up. I called it my time of 'driving Mr. & Mrs. Daisy'. I think I may start a new service in NE Ohio called Driving Ms. Daisy and just drive 'old people' around to appointments and such! *wink*

It was nice to be back and see everyone. I saw my cousins and their kiddos, saw Kate, ate at Quatro's, Cool Spoons and Lynda's, made a new friend (Miss Clo-Clo), spent time with my mom & dad, my lil bro and his new wife, my in-laws (mom, dad, sis, bro, aunt, uncle, cousin), and I learned a new way to get there and back (no, it isn't any quicker, but a little more scenic!). While I was there I discovered that there are some things that I miss and a few that I don't. Here goes...

I miss...
-spending time with my family and Ronnie's family (Blake, that includes you!)
-date nights with Crys x 2
-Quatro's
-Lynda's Family Diner (people and food)

I DON'T miss:
-driving 5 million miles to get anywhere
-Southern IL humidity (bleh!)

Things you should know:
-I gained 5 lbs this week! Nope, not kidding.
-I'm jumping on the Lose It! wagon with my sis-in-law (and my mother-in-law, but she cheats!). After much discussion with Crys, a 5 lb weight gain (too much good food), and realizing that I need to just be consistent with movement (that's where I'm starting), I am committing to an exercise program of sorts. Week 1 (starts today): I am committing to at least 4 days of intentional exercise. I'll report back later.

...and the thunder rolls

Have you ever felt as though the will of man cheated you out of God's will for you? Believe me, I hadn't really given it much thought until the end of last week and now it just keeps circling in my thoughts.

I have refrained from sharing anything about this story on my blog. It was a roller coaster I really didn't want to re-ride day after day, but I am hoping this will help me process. Perhaps it will resonate with someone else, but it's mostly for me. Before I even go into the details of the past couple of months, know that I, in no way, believe that this story is over. "The End" has not yet been written, but I HATE roller coasters. They make me wanna throw up!

Right now? I'm exhausted and I want off of this ride!

On April 18th, our worship leader announced to the worship team that he would be leaving in July. I have only been with this team since January, but they've become great friends - a family to me. Our worship leader is an amazing man of God and the thought of he and his family being ripped out of my life left me feeling lost and upset. I weeped for days! Funny thing is - they're moving to Illinois! (God thinks he's funny!)

During the 10 days that followed, an ugly scene unfolded. It was most certainly a time of God making Himself known. Those 10 days were nothing short of a wrestling match with God. This 'stubborn child' phase, (or as I refer to it - my 'kid in the cereal aisle fit') ALWAYS comes when God has something He desires for me to do and I'm trying to convince Him that He doesn't (often because I realize that it's going to require a LOT from me AND it's going to push me WAY beyond the point of being comfortable!). I can name multiple occasions where this has happened. (not proud of the fit-pitching and I'm working on being joyfully obedient the instant He speaks, but I'm not there yet!).

I have been praying about what God would have me do since before we moved in October. God provides, but He did not call me to Ohio to be a housewife or a stay-at-home mom (no offense ladies, but it takes a special person and God didn't build me like that!). Full-time worship leader wasn't even on my radar, but I feel as though God made it incredibly clear that He had just opened the door. The season of being still and waiting was because the position wasn't ready.

I will spare you the bloody details, but know that every, single day during that 10 day period, God provided conformation of His will. I laid out my 'fleece' on the 6th day. The 7th day God answered my prayer. He didn't just stop there, though. The conformations continued (because God likes to out-do Himself).On the 10th day, He provided an AMAZING devotion on discerning your calling. I turned in my application the following day. (#youcanrunbutyoucan'thide - for you Crys)

After 2 rounds of interviews in June, where I was one of 2 final candidates, they're hiring the other guy. (Let me be clear here - I'm certain that he is wonderful and my issues are NOT with him. I will continue to serve under his leadership because God called hubby and I to this particular body of believers and He led me to be on this worship team. Period.) The last several days have been nothings short of emotionally exhausting, though. I'm not going to lay out all of my frustration on here -that's not my purpose. Just know that my frustrations revolve around the way things were handled, the reason I was given for the decision that was made, and that I felt I had a clear answer from God regarding my calling. God clearly opened a door. It has now been slammed shut and I feel as though it was the will of man that slammed it - not God.

So, here's my request: Pray that God will clearly reveal Himself and His perfect will. Pray that if His will HAS been done, that I would have peace and know that the past couple of months were simply an exercise in my being obedient. However, if His will has yet to be accomplished, that He WOULD have His way (and as hubby put it, that it wouldn't take 40 years of us wandering in a desert for it to happen). Someone (or possibly more than one someone) in this situation lacked discernment. I want to draw closer to God through all of this so that if I was the one lacking, in the future I will most certainly not be.

16 Going on 17

Ok, so it was more like 33 going on 34, but who is counting? (Besides Crys!)

I had a GREAT birthday! Hubby and I actually celebrated last Saturday. We went to eat at MELT in Cleveland! Yum! We ran a few errands, shopped and ended up going for ice cream at Mary Coyle's. It's an honest to goodness old-school ice cream parlor. Loved it!

I got breakfast on the morning of my birthday (hubby made omelets and toast) and he made homemade pizza for dinner. Holla!  I ate a free lunch at First Watch and I bought myself a new skirt and top. I had a very unexpected visit from a special friend of mine who stayed for dinner.

About a bazillion people called, text me, or messaged me on Facebook. I felt very loved and blessed.

As I reflected on the past year, I realized a lot has changed. I lost my job in Cairo. I got married. I moved to Ohio. I've watched my mom fight cancer. I was diagnosed with MS. (I've done a ton of craft projects.) I have laughed and cried - sometimes within 5 minutes of each other. It has been an 'emotional roller coaster' sort of year. I have made new friends and mourned the fact that I can't see old friends as often as I would like to. In the end, 33 was a HUGE year in my life and I'm sad about some things coming to an end, but excited about all of the new things. 33 was bittersweet. I'm sure 34 has a lot in store and I've decided that I just want it to be a year where I ultimately spend time investing in people and in what God has for me. Here's to another year!

Identity Crisis

How many days of our lives do we spend living in defeat while singing Victory in Jesus? Well, hopefully you're not really singing Victory in Jesus - because that's annoying, but you get the point, right? Fake it til you make it somehow becomes our motto without us even realizing it. You put a smile on your face and go about fulfilling your obligations.

Last Sunday (yes, almost a week ago - yes, I've been thinking about it all week), Pastor Keith started a series on Victory. And right now, I'm not feeling very victorious (but I most certainly have Victory in Jesus stuck in my head! - thank you Southern Gospel upbringing). With the help of my husband, I'm trying to sort out why I am so darn discontent and I think it boils down to the fact that I don't know WHO I am when you detach me from the things I DO. I don't know who I am apart from job titles and positions. I have problems sitting still and I have figured out that I can stay busy all day long and not really know what I did (because it's rarely what I intended to do).

Seriously, is it even possible to not know who you are at 33? Apparently so because I'm having an identity crisis. I decided to make a list of the most simple things I know about ME.

I am:
-a child of God
-a wife (and in turn a daughter-in-law and sis-in-law)
-a daughter
-a friend

Then I made a list of things that I KNOW (even though it may just be head knowledge some days):
-God loves me (even thought I can't figure out why for the life of me)
-God has a plan (thankful for this, because I currently have NO plan. Period.)
-I am where I am for a reason (not just location, but season)
-YHWH (God) provides
-I have a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes on my back and shoes on my feet
-My husband is a gift from God and loves me regardless
-God is good
-I am NOT alone
-I am important

And for now, that's enough. Ever been there?

Where you find out that I DON'T have it together!

For those of you who think that I have myself together and prefer to keep believing that - stop reading...or look at the first set of pictures and THEN stop reading. It's really in your best interest if you don't want your view of organized me shattered into itty bitty pieces.

Here's the kitchen (well, one side of it - if I showed you the other side, you could see the massive boxes in our living room and I'm not going to do that to you, but use your imagination...there is a dishwasher, sink, and a counter space with a coffee pot - which you will see in a minute. I figured out how to take a picture of it without showing you the mess!):

I ended up purchasing the 14-piece Rachael Ray set because it was on sale and cheaper than any of the 10 piece sets. I LOVE this set. 

Silverware drawer - I've already discovered that I need more spoons. Anyone else use WAY too many spoons?

The dishes all fit nicely into one cabinet since I added the Real Simple shelf. I like it because it's solid - many were wire and the cups wouldn't sit on there straight.

I have tried uploading this picture 2 times and it keeps rotating it, so turn your computer sideways!

Pan racks. Love. Them. And yes, those ARE waffle plates for our Cuisinart Griddler!

Our hodgepodge of glasses!

Ok, so let's talk about this cluttered mess and why it's ok...spice rack is from Pampered Chef. It spins and I found bottles at BB&B that fit, so I can buy my own spices in bulk at The Mustard Seed or EarthFare (Think Neighborhood Co-op). Check out the top rack.

Utensils. Middle bucket is metal untensils - don't use on the pans! Right side is plastic. Left side is silicone. 

Behold - COFFEE!

Bowl organization - love things that nest.

And my apron storage:

Master Bathroom:

Master Bedroom:

My new make-up table! So exciting!

Remember this?

Ok folks, that's all for now...well, that's all if you want to keep believing that I have my crap together.

This is your final warning. The next set of pictures are NOT pretty!

It's mostly for my new friend, Hannah. She and her new husband married the same day that we did. These are so that she knows she isn't alone in this newlywed, stay home and unpack garbage.

However, I DID make progress today. I'll post more pics this coming week.

This is the hallway - just enough room to walk. We have to shut the bedroom door so that I can't see it or I wouldn't be able to sleep.

This week I've learned that my husband is a bit of a paper hoarder. I have an office supply, clothes, shoe, and purse problem, but let's focus on him, shall we? This was in the middle of my trying to sort through the MASSIVE amounts of paper. I shredded so much last night that the paper shredder was finally like, "umm, yea, so I'm gonna stop working now because I am exhausted - try me again tomorrow!"

Oh, the disgrace!

This is the spare bedroom - the spare bathroom is equally bad. Ok, it's worse! So bad I refuse to even take a picture of it! 

For those of you who didn't heed the warning - DON'T BLAME ME!

Beginnings

So, Precious started his new job today. This company has been spectacular, ya'll. They offered him $2000 more a year than he asked for. They flew him to Ohio for an interview. They flew both of us to Ohio to find housing (and paid for meals and lodging). And today they told Precious he needed new boots with steel toes (kinda expensive, right?). They gave him a coupon for $100. He found $140 pair on sale. Using the coupon, he paid $22!

God. Is. Good.

These blessings are so undeserved. I feel like we're so unworthy, yet God just keeps pouring it out. Standing in the middle of His will is a little scary and extremely humbling.

Moving Update

Still packing. I was doing a little while I was getting ready Sunday morning and I injured myself. I was trying to take a picture off the wall, dropped it and it landed on. my. face! There was blood. But it actually doesn't look terrible. Vaseline (which my mom will always swear keeps things from bruising) and an ice pack saved the day.

I took a couple of days off, but resumed packing hard core yesterday - until I ran out of boxes...need to make a Lowe's run. Saturday was spent with my mom and bro and my girls. My mom and bro and I headed to the bridal shop to meet the girls. They have pics of my dress, but I have no pics of them in theirs, so you are gonna have to take my word when I tell you they looked stunning! SILTB cried - not because my dress is the bomb (even though it is), but because we're moving. It's still all new and I don't think the full extent has sunk in yet for me. I'm so busy packing and finalizing wedding plans that I don't have a lot of time to think about it (this is on purpose people - I have to get through the wedding and the move...I'll cry while Precious is at work).

Right now, Precious and I know that we will be flying to Cleveland on September 12 and coming back on September 16. We are hoping to be packed before we go. When we return, we will hopefully have a place to call home. Ideally, we will head back to Ohio and move our stuff. SO. MUCH. STUFF. (mostly mine). Precious will start his job around the 26th and then come back for the wedding.

So, wedding plans are coming along nicely--almost done. Pray that we find an nice yet affordable place to live in Akron and that we can find a church (we have a checklist people).

Boxes....Oh The Boxes

So, today the packing began.

I packed a little at the house (pictures and my Willow Tree angel collection).

I packed stuff at the studio.

Studio packing made me a lot more sad than house packing. Perhaps that's because I was still half asleep while I was packing at the house and was too tired to think about it. Regardless, packing up the studio is hard. HARD. However, I have to keep believing that God has something as good, if not better for me in Akron. Still, it's hard to leave something behind that I've worked so hard for. And my students...I can't even think about it without crying. I have some really great students. I am going to miss them and the time that I get to spend with them each week.

Precious packed too. He boxed up quite a lot of stuff...so much so that I've had to stay away from the packing area. I was close to having an anxiety attack just looking at it.

Pray for us, people.

And I apologize now for upcoming blog content. It may involve a lot about packing and moving and enough mixed emotions that you may begin to think that I have a personality disorder.

Prayer Monday - August 22, 2011

I know that I am a blog slacker, but so much has been going on in my life. My Precious got the job that he interviewed for and while I am freaking out a little about everything we have to get done in order to move and then wedding stuff on top of that, I'm really at peace. There are so many things that just scream, "Hey, God is smack dab in the middle of this!". 

When Precious decided to go back to school, he was intending to finish a major in Physics. However, he sort of stumbled upon the Center for Advanced Friction Studies at SIU (GOD) and ended up deciding that Mechanical Engineering was the way to go (that was the shortened version). Through this, he ended up gaining experience with carbon-carbon friction materials (the CAFS lab does research for F1 racing teams) and that was exactly what Meggitt (the company Precious will be working for) was needing. Apparently, it's difficult to find someone with this experience...once again - GOD! 

I lost my job at the end of the school year. They cut the music program in Cairo. (door closed) Nothing full-time was going to be open around us until January. So, this summer I have just been drawing unemployment and teaching part-time at the studio. Precious had a friend come and tell him about this job. The friend is not a US citizen and you have to be to work at Meggitt, so the friend puts Ronnie in touch with the job recruiter. (open door).

Precious and I have just been praying that God would close doors that need to be closed and open ones that need to be open - that He would make things so abundantly clear that we made no mistake in knowing that we were in HIS will. That happened after the interview. Precious flew to Ohio and interviewed on Tuesday of last week. They told him it would be this week sometime before they contacted him because they would need approval from the higher ups. We knew that he had a 50/50 shot - only 2 people were interviewed during the 2nd round. On Thursday - 2 days after the interview - Precious received an offer. Here's where it gets interesting. They offered him $2000 more a year than he had asked for. They offered a moving package that included flying Precious and I to Ohio for 3 days (accommodations and meals included) to find housing. The recruiter said that he has NEVER seen them offer to pay for the couple to come and find housing.

God, people. It's totally God. And it's abundantly clear that we are supposed to be serving in Ohio. Please pray for us as we attempt to find housing. Pray that it is as abundantly clear as everything else has been. We have to move everything before the wedding, so pray for Precious as he goes to live in Ohio and me as I stay here to finish up wedding plans.

Big Day

This guy has a BIG day tomorrow! Feel free to pray for God's will in our lives to be accomplished. Tomorrow could definitely change a lot of things in our lives.

  Good luck My Precious! You'll do great!

All Dressed Up

So, Precious let me take his picture and I must say...he cleans up really well! ;-)

I get to marry him!

An Interview and a Suit

Precious has a 2nd interview with a prospective employer. We are excited, scared, nervous...my emotions are all over the place. This is a BIG deal for us. It would require a BIG move (him before the wedding and me afterwards). We have prayed over this situation and it just seems like this is the direction God is leading, so we are preparing for whatever He has in store for us - taking life one day at a time.

I have to be honest, though, I had to have my "kid in the cereal aisle fit". You know what I'm talking about. Anytime something comes that I am not expecting, I have to have my spoiled rotten kid moment except mine ends up looking nasty like a kid in the cereal aisle who isn't getting the cereal that they want. Sad. I know. Don't judge me!

So, Precious had an interview a few weeks ago via Skype. It went well. I was really feeling like the move was a very good possibility. We waited for a call. It never came. I finally encouraged Precious to email and we are so glad he did. They had apparently been trying to contact him (or HR was supposed to have contacted him). Either way, contact was made and the 2nd interview will take place a little over a week from now. The company is paying all expenses for the interview. Everything just seems to be falling into place.

Yesterday we went shopping for a suit. Hopefully I can get him to put it on for a photo op before he goes. He looks super dapper in it! Somehow the suit just makes it more official. We are trusting God to continue opening doors that need to be opened and close the ones that need to be closed. Please pray for us as we approach this new chapter of our life together. A new job (a LONG way from home), a wedding, a move...it's a lot, but we want God's will and if He says "GO" then we will go.