...and the thunder rolls

Have you ever felt as though the will of man cheated you out of God's will for you? Believe me, I hadn't really given it much thought until the end of last week and now it just keeps circling in my thoughts.

I have refrained from sharing anything about this story on my blog. It was a roller coaster I really didn't want to re-ride day after day, but I am hoping this will help me process. Perhaps it will resonate with someone else, but it's mostly for me. Before I even go into the details of the past couple of months, know that I, in no way, believe that this story is over. "The End" has not yet been written, but I HATE roller coasters. They make me wanna throw up!

Right now? I'm exhausted and I want off of this ride!

On April 18th, our worship leader announced to the worship team that he would be leaving in July. I have only been with this team since January, but they've become great friends - a family to me. Our worship leader is an amazing man of God and the thought of he and his family being ripped out of my life left me feeling lost and upset. I weeped for days! Funny thing is - they're moving to Illinois! (God thinks he's funny!)

During the 10 days that followed, an ugly scene unfolded. It was most certainly a time of God making Himself known. Those 10 days were nothing short of a wrestling match with God. This 'stubborn child' phase, (or as I refer to it - my 'kid in the cereal aisle fit') ALWAYS comes when God has something He desires for me to do and I'm trying to convince Him that He doesn't (often because I realize that it's going to require a LOT from me AND it's going to push me WAY beyond the point of being comfortable!). I can name multiple occasions where this has happened. (not proud of the fit-pitching and I'm working on being joyfully obedient the instant He speaks, but I'm not there yet!).

I have been praying about what God would have me do since before we moved in October. God provides, but He did not call me to Ohio to be a housewife or a stay-at-home mom (no offense ladies, but it takes a special person and God didn't build me like that!). Full-time worship leader wasn't even on my radar, but I feel as though God made it incredibly clear that He had just opened the door. The season of being still and waiting was because the position wasn't ready.

I will spare you the bloody details, but know that every, single day during that 10 day period, God provided conformation of His will. I laid out my 'fleece' on the 6th day. The 7th day God answered my prayer. He didn't just stop there, though. The conformations continued (because God likes to out-do Himself).On the 10th day, He provided an AMAZING devotion on discerning your calling. I turned in my application the following day. (#youcanrunbutyoucan'thide - for you Crys)

After 2 rounds of interviews in June, where I was one of 2 final candidates, they're hiring the other guy. (Let me be clear here - I'm certain that he is wonderful and my issues are NOT with him. I will continue to serve under his leadership because God called hubby and I to this particular body of believers and He led me to be on this worship team. Period.) The last several days have been nothings short of emotionally exhausting, though. I'm not going to lay out all of my frustration on here -that's not my purpose. Just know that my frustrations revolve around the way things were handled, the reason I was given for the decision that was made, and that I felt I had a clear answer from God regarding my calling. God clearly opened a door. It has now been slammed shut and I feel as though it was the will of man that slammed it - not God.

So, here's my request: Pray that God will clearly reveal Himself and His perfect will. Pray that if His will HAS been done, that I would have peace and know that the past couple of months were simply an exercise in my being obedient. However, if His will has yet to be accomplished, that He WOULD have His way (and as hubby put it, that it wouldn't take 40 years of us wandering in a desert for it to happen). Someone (or possibly more than one someone) in this situation lacked discernment. I want to draw closer to God through all of this so that if I was the one lacking, in the future I will most certainly not be.