Thursday, October 11, 2012

A New Normal

Yesterday marked one year from the date that we moved everything into our apartment in Ohio. During the past year a lot has happened. I feel very blessed, but I've spent much of this year very frustrated, confused, and at times angry. Marriage is GREAT, but I have not worked full-time since June of 2011 and I H.A.T.E. it! (side note: for the stupid politicians out there who don't get it, let me give a real life example of why the government you've helped to create SUCKS! I have student loan debt because a degree supposedly = a job. SMH! So, now I have no job and a student loan because school costs too flippin' much to pay for out of pocket. I worked in a low-income school district for 6 years and you, Mr. Politician, work for a government that refused to forgive even a portion of my loans! You suck! Rant not over, but I'll save the rest for another day!)

This new chapter of our lives has been very good for Ronnie's career. He LOVES his job and God is providing, but I can't help but feel as though I should be doing more. I desire to do more with my life. I feel like I was made for more than just sitting at home. When we first moved, I felt a little jipped. I mean, I had established myself in Southern Illinois as a vocal instructor and coach. I had my own studio and students that I absolutely loved working with. (High School and College - those are the students I really like to work with!)

Here in Ohio, I still teach, but it's mostly kids - a lot of beginners. It is not my favorite time of the week and I really don't enjoy it like I used to. Right now, I'm just doing it for the money - and that stinks! I find plenty to keep me busy, but it just isn't the same as having a job AND finding plenty to do doesn't pay my student loans off or make a car payment.

I'm not certain if it is like this in other countries, but our identity in this country is wrapped up in what we do - not who we are. "Hi, I'm Sheena and I'm a _________. What do you do?" Even a year in, I still can't seem to identify myself beyond the things I 'do' and it's frustrating! I'm currently trying to accept this as my new normal and find what God has for me in all of this. I'm trying to seek His face and His will for me and I am praying for the courage and grace to accept whatever that is. I want to be able to walk through this next year content in knowing God has not forgotten me and that He has a plan for my life.


CrysHouse said...

I'm working very hard to avoid identifying myself by what I do. It's hard, though.

Still miss you...even a year later.

Bev said...

You are a princess Sheena. That is who you are! You have a king for your father. ;) I do understand where you are coming from though. Love you. Hang in there. God has a plan!

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