...and the thunder rolls

Have you ever felt as though the will of man cheated you out of God's will for you? Believe me, I hadn't really given it much thought until the end of last week and now it just keeps circling in my thoughts.

I have refrained from sharing anything about this story on my blog. It was a roller coaster I really didn't want to re-ride day after day, but I am hoping this will help me process. Perhaps it will resonate with someone else, but it's mostly for me. Before I even go into the details of the past couple of months, know that I, in no way, believe that this story is over. "The End" has not yet been written, but I HATE roller coasters. They make me wanna throw up!

Right now? I'm exhausted and I want off of this ride!

On April 18th, our worship leader announced to the worship team that he would be leaving in July. I have only been with this team since January, but they've become great friends - a family to me. Our worship leader is an amazing man of God and the thought of he and his family being ripped out of my life left me feeling lost and upset. I weeped for days! Funny thing is - they're moving to Illinois! (God thinks he's funny!)

During the 10 days that followed, an ugly scene unfolded. It was most certainly a time of God making Himself known. Those 10 days were nothing short of a wrestling match with God. This 'stubborn child' phase, (or as I refer to it - my 'kid in the cereal aisle fit') ALWAYS comes when God has something He desires for me to do and I'm trying to convince Him that He doesn't (often because I realize that it's going to require a LOT from me AND it's going to push me WAY beyond the point of being comfortable!). I can name multiple occasions where this has happened. (not proud of the fit-pitching and I'm working on being joyfully obedient the instant He speaks, but I'm not there yet!).

I have been praying about what God would have me do since before we moved in October. God provides, but He did not call me to Ohio to be a housewife or a stay-at-home mom (no offense ladies, but it takes a special person and God didn't build me like that!). Full-time worship leader wasn't even on my radar, but I feel as though God made it incredibly clear that He had just opened the door. The season of being still and waiting was because the position wasn't ready.

I will spare you the bloody details, but know that every, single day during that 10 day period, God provided conformation of His will. I laid out my 'fleece' on the 6th day. The 7th day God answered my prayer. He didn't just stop there, though. The conformations continued (because God likes to out-do Himself).On the 10th day, He provided an AMAZING devotion on discerning your calling. I turned in my application the following day. (#youcanrunbutyoucan'thide - for you Crys)

After 2 rounds of interviews in June, where I was one of 2 final candidates, they're hiring the other guy. (Let me be clear here - I'm certain that he is wonderful and my issues are NOT with him. I will continue to serve under his leadership because God called hubby and I to this particular body of believers and He led me to be on this worship team. Period.) The last several days have been nothings short of emotionally exhausting, though. I'm not going to lay out all of my frustration on here -that's not my purpose. Just know that my frustrations revolve around the way things were handled, the reason I was given for the decision that was made, and that I felt I had a clear answer from God regarding my calling. God clearly opened a door. It has now been slammed shut and I feel as though it was the will of man that slammed it - not God.

So, here's my request: Pray that God will clearly reveal Himself and His perfect will. Pray that if His will HAS been done, that I would have peace and know that the past couple of months were simply an exercise in my being obedient. However, if His will has yet to be accomplished, that He WOULD have His way (and as hubby put it, that it wouldn't take 40 years of us wandering in a desert for it to happen). Someone (or possibly more than one someone) in this situation lacked discernment. I want to draw closer to God through all of this so that if I was the one lacking, in the future I will most certainly not be.

Passive Worship

So, here's a little food for thought this week:

Passive worshipers=Passive Christians

If you disagree, feel free to comment, but I think our level of engagement in worship directly equates to our level of engagement in life with Christ beyond the walls of our church (which makes worship really important in our walks).

The words for worship in the Bible all denote action, not passivity. We should be participating, not spectating. Our job isn't to simply sit and listen. Worship is about experiencing a living, active God. You don't do that by simply watching and listening. Church is not about your entertainment. You should be engaged with God. It's a time for us to actively serve God - to invest ourselves - to offer ourselves to Him.

(RANDOM THOUGHT: Perhaps we should think of worship services as practice for Heaven. I'm thinking that we should learn to actively worship now because we're going to be doing it for all of eternity.)

For those of you who are still confused, let me try to break it down a little more. Listening to a worship song on your iPod or Christian radio and letting it 'wash over you' is passive worship. There is nothing wrong with this scenario, but on Sunday morning, try to think of what you're doing as 'coming to worship', not 'going to church'. You aren't contributing anything by sitting and letting the music and message 'wash over you'. You are not the audience. God is. You aren't there to spectate. You are there to participate!

Going to church is easy; worship may not always be. When you actively worship, you become vulnerable - you expose yourself to God's almighty power and have no control over what happens. Moments spent actively in God's presence can bring peace, hope, revelation of sin, healing, and forgiveness. It isn't possible to spend time worshiping your Creator and leave unchanged. Time spent in God's presence will ALWAYS change you.

Did you 'go to church' today or did you 'come to worship'? I encourage you to become more active in your worship time. Enter the sanctuary with the intention of encountering God and being changed.

Niagara Falls

So. Much. Fun.

My mom and dad started out their family vacation in North Carolina with several of my aunts and uncles. They were on motorcycles. They did this last year only they rode out west. Some of them went back home after North Carolina. The rest headed to Niagara Falls where I met them.

I can't even begin to explain how breathtaking the falls are. It's amazing to stand there and see God's handiwork.  If you ever get the chance, you should totally go!

Here's my trip in pictures:

My Dad-in the US

My Dad - in Canada

My Mom

American Falls

American Falls

 

Maid of the Mist in front of Horseshoe Falls

Niagara Falls

My Mom and Dad - Love them!

Me by the rapids just above the falls

Rainbow Falls

Horseshoe Falls

No, we didn't stay for Nik Wallenda - they were expecting over 200,000 people. Not my idea of a fun time. However, we watched them string the lines for his act. A helicopter was used. Here area  few pictures of what we saw:

 

  

 

Que Sera, Sera

Have you ever been at a point in your life where you have every reason to freak out, but you are cool as a cucumber because you have simply resolved yourself to the fact that God is in control and you have sought His face until you don't know what else to say to Him - and you have finally reached a point where all you can say is whatever will be, will be...it is what it is....?

No, it doesn't really happen that often for me either, but that's where I am currently - perfectly peaceful...until my mind wanders. If I prayed 2 Cor. 10:5 once today, I have prayed it 50 times! "...take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ." SO. ANNOYING.

So, I'm declaring things I already know, but need to remind myself of after a day of having to repeat that Scripture over and over and OVER again.  God is in control. His will WILL be done. He loves me. He cares about the desires of my heart. My job is to continue to be faithful and obedient in the here and now.

Freak out over.

Memorial Day Weekend Recap

This weekend wasn't incredibly eventful. We live too far away from our families to drive home for the weekend, so we entertained ourselves.

Friday night we went to eat at Tito's - YUMMY YUMMY Mexican - and then we went to The Root Cafe - the best coffee shop in NE Ohio! :-)

Saturday we explored a little. We tried a new deli called Primo's. They give you an endless basket of chips - who needs a sandwich? We had cupcakes at Blake's Cupcakery. We shopped a little - saw an awesome car. It looked like this:

I kept seeing this car at a spa close to our house and the only thing I knew is that it was a Lamborghini. Now I know that it is a Lamborghini Gallardo Superleggera AND I don't have to stop at the spa the next time I see it and try to get a picture just so hubby could identify the specimen.

Other Saturday news: we rented The Vow. Actually hubby rented The Vow while I was in the grocery store because he thought I would like it. Holla! I got a chick flick. It was good. His review: It was emotionally intense. My review (NOTE: Spoiler coming....): She never regained her memory? Seriously? And they're married and have 2 kids? Seriously? That's the sweetest story ever.

Sunday - awesome worship service with awesome church family. I am really digging sitting through multiple services (with a coffee break, of course). Something about hearing everything 2 or 3 times is really helpful to me. It makes it really stick! It's like the perfect scenario for my ADD/incredibly forgetful self! I catch something new each service.

We also saw Men in Black 3. Review? It's worth seeing. I liked it better than MIB 2 - probably because of Josh Brolin. His performance was impressive. MIB 3 most certainly exceeded my expectations.

Memorial Day - we slept in and then went to visit a friend...and made 2 new friends! Yummy food, fantastic conversation, and lots of love. God is so good to me!

16 Going on 17

Ok, so it was more like 33 going on 34, but who is counting? (Besides Crys!)

I had a GREAT birthday! Hubby and I actually celebrated last Saturday. We went to eat at MELT in Cleveland! Yum! We ran a few errands, shopped and ended up going for ice cream at Mary Coyle's. It's an honest to goodness old-school ice cream parlor. Loved it!

I got breakfast on the morning of my birthday (hubby made omelets and toast) and he made homemade pizza for dinner. Holla!  I ate a free lunch at First Watch and I bought myself a new skirt and top. I had a very unexpected visit from a special friend of mine who stayed for dinner.

About a bazillion people called, text me, or messaged me on Facebook. I felt very loved and blessed.

As I reflected on the past year, I realized a lot has changed. I lost my job in Cairo. I got married. I moved to Ohio. I've watched my mom fight cancer. I was diagnosed with MS. (I've done a ton of craft projects.) I have laughed and cried - sometimes within 5 minutes of each other. It has been an 'emotional roller coaster' sort of year. I have made new friends and mourned the fact that I can't see old friends as often as I would like to. In the end, 33 was a HUGE year in my life and I'm sad about some things coming to an end, but excited about all of the new things. 33 was bittersweet. I'm sure 34 has a lot in store and I've decided that I just want it to be a year where I ultimately spend time investing in people and in what God has for me. Here's to another year!

and leave that kind of legacy...

I often end up wishing I would’ve said more...

before someone left this world.

I don’t want to wish that this time.

To my Uncle Roger-

You will be greatly missed – your laugh, your words of encouragement (even when someone should’ve been encouraging you), and of course the way you aggravate others (which also means that some of your brothers are going to miss the reinforcement you always provided when plotting to torture your sisters).

The world will keep spinning, but it simply won’t be the same without you in it.

We will cry and grieve for our loss, but we will also celebrate your life. You’re leaving us with great memories and a legacy.

Yep, YOU are most certainly leaving a legacy - and it's a good one!

You are strong - one of the strongest people I have ever known and you have reminded us that life is worth living AND worth fighting for.

You have reminded us to rely on each other and you have taught us to love each other more deeply. 

You have frequently reminded all of us that GOD alone is our everything – our strength , our hope, our comfort, our peace – and we’ve seen Him be all of that in your life.

You have reminded us to cherish today because we may not have tomorrow.

These are words from a song that came to my mind this morning as I prayed for you:

Not well-traveled, not well-read. Not well-to-do or well-bred.

Just want to hear instead, "Well done, good and faithful one..."

I want to leave a legacy.

How will they remember me?

Did I choose to love?

Did I point to you enough to make a mark on things?

I want to leave an offering - a child of mercy and grace who blessed your name unapologetically and leave that kind of legacy.

I want you to know that you are leaving a legacy of FAITH, HOPE & LOVE and that I am grateful and blessed to have you as my uncle.