A New Normal

Yesterday marked one year from the date that we moved everything into our apartment in Ohio. During the past year a lot has happened. I feel very blessed, but I've spent much of this year very frustrated, confused, and at times angry. Marriage is GREAT, but I have not worked full-time since June of 2011 and I H.A.T.E. it! (side note: for the stupid politicians out there who don't get it, let me give a real life example of why the government you've helped to create SUCKS! I have student loan debt because a degree supposedly = a job. SMH! So, now I have no job and a student loan because school costs too flippin' much to pay for out of pocket. I worked in a low-income school district for 6 years and you, Mr. Politician, work for a government that refused to forgive even a portion of my loans! You suck! Rant not over, but I'll save the rest for another day!)

This new chapter of our lives has been very good for Ronnie's career. He LOVES his job and God is providing, but I can't help but feel as though I should be doing more. I desire to do more with my life. I feel like I was made for more than just sitting at home. When we first moved, I felt a little jipped. I mean, I had established myself in Southern Illinois as a vocal instructor and coach. I had my own studio and students that I absolutely loved working with. (High School and College - those are the students I really like to work with!)

Here in Ohio, I still teach, but it's mostly kids - a lot of beginners. It is not my favorite time of the week and I really don't enjoy it like I used to. Right now, I'm just doing it for the money - and that stinks! I find plenty to keep me busy, but it just isn't the same as having a job AND finding plenty to do doesn't pay my student loans off or make a car payment.

I'm not certain if it is like this in other countries, but our identity in this country is wrapped up in what we do - not who we are. "Hi, I'm Sheena and I'm a _________. What do you do?" Even a year in, I still can't seem to identify myself beyond the things I 'do' and it's frustrating! I'm currently trying to accept this as my new normal and find what God has for me in all of this. I'm trying to seek His face and His will for me and I am praying for the courage and grace to accept whatever that is. I want to be able to walk through this next year content in knowing God has not forgotten me and that He has a plan for my life.

Diving Deeper

Recently, we studied Malachi at church. Malachi is tough, but something I think all believers need to be reminded of. God doesn't want our leftovers - our trash. He wants the best that we have to offer and sometimes that isn't so easy. Perhaps that is why it's called sacrifice.  Just going through the motions doesn't get it either. God desires authentic worship - a heart connected to the motions. In Malachi He asked that they just stop sacrificing. He preferred nothing at all to the junk they were offering.

We can't be a light in a 'dark world', royal priests, if we aren't giving God our very best. We must pursue God - follow hard after Him, lean heavily on Him. God is not pleased with half-hearted worship - apathetic worship - yet He will still pursue His own and He longs for the day when they/we will return. However, He did get FED UP with them and I think He gets FED UP with us.

God begins to call them (the Israelite priests) back to be the priests they were originally called to be - individuals who hold the knowledge and truth about God - His ways, His character - so that they could wisely and soundly counsel others. Today, the body of Christ lacks a depth to our knowledge of God. We can't fulfill our 'priestly duties' if we don't know scripture, if we don't possess a deep knowledge and truth about God. We can't be a "moral and ethical compass" (love this Pastor Keith!) or impart wisdom or provide sound counsel to others if we aren't disciplined enough to study scripture. 

So as I'm diving deeper, I'm going to encourage you to do the same. Give God your best and work towards being the 'royal priest' He has called you to be.

What If Today's the Day?

A friend gave me this bracelet and it gives me a sense of hopeful expectancy. It reminds me that today may not be the day that all things are made right in situations that are currently frustrating me, but it IS a day that the Lord has made and there IS something in it for me. This bracelet reminds me to remain hopeful for what He has for me and to expect it, but to find something to hold on to TODAY because His mercies are new every morning and He is faithful today. Blessings are abundant.

Sound Check - August 5, 2012

Welcome to Sound Check. Each week I post fairly new worship tunes for you to check out. I give you the YouTube video to listen to. If you like the song, click the album cover that follows the videao to buy the song on iTunes. Enjoy!

Song: You Revive Me (sung by Christy Nockels)
Album: Passion - White Flag
You can't go wrong with Passion OR Christy Nockels! This whole album is fantastic!

Song: Where I Belong

Album: Building 429 - Listen to the Sound

This song is not new, but I like it and thought you might, as well. Just a reminder that this world is not where I belong.

Living Life to the Fullest

First of all, I did my 10 miles this week. I have figured out that the day after my MS meds, is NOT a good day to plan to exercise, so next week I'm going to plan accordingly. I sweat like a freakin' pig and it isn't pretty. I smell like a moose when I'm done. That basically means that I need to exercise first thing in the morning or it isn't going to get done because I would need another shower (and hair and make-up - and that's not happening more than once a day!).

When people tell you that you feel better when you exercise, they're either from another planet or they are liars - or perhaps they're delusional. It's simply not true. Even when I was thin, I HATED most things that resembled exercise and it did NOT make me feel better. In fact, it made/still makes me a little angry (or a lot angry depending on the day!). Why am I doing it? Because my sis-in-law showed me the error of my ways through actions of her own and I'm striving to simply be better...not just at exercising, but at life.

I was given this life and I intend to live it to the fullest. Right now, I'm not sure what that looks like.

Wednesday it meant having breakfast with a dear friend, catching up, and talking about what God is doing in our lives, then having lunch with 2 other friends just to spend time together.

Thursday it meant going to "girl's breakfast" and stopping on the way to take a scone to a mama who works and can't go to "girl's breakfast".

Yesterday it meant fighting with my computer over coupons (the computer won - I used hubby's Mac to print them) and grocery shopping, then spending the evening laughing with friends at The Root Cafe.

Today it meant spending the day with my husband, renting a movie from Redbox and grilling hot dogs.

As I have sat and thought this week about living my physical life to the fullest should look like, I've also thought about my spiritual life. I had a friend tell me that Christians shouldn't look any different than non-Christians - we're all human. I disagree. I don't think we should be all 'holier than thou', but I think our lives should reflect the light of Christ. And perhaps a reason many people don't go to church is because they see too many Christians who are one or the other - no different than themselves, or 'holier than thou'.  The word hypocrite is thrown around a lot when people start listing their reasons for not having anything to do with the church.

I hope my life reflects that I don't have it all together, but I'm working on it because I want to be more like Jesus.

A New Week

Last week, I met my exercise goal of intentional exercise 4 days. The last 2 days I walked 2 miles each day.

This week, I'm going to set a distance goal - 10 miles. Over a week's period of time that doesn't seem like a lot, but that will double my walking distance from last week. I did a 45 minute program one day, walked one mile, the next day, and then did 2 miles on the last two days.

This weekend was pretty good. Friday evening, we went out with a couple of friends for dinner. Saturday we went to Weathervane Theater to see a production of Annie. It is one of their Youth Series (typically a youth only cast) productions and it was fabulous! We went to eat dinner right after (the show began at 3:30) and I received a text from a friend inviting us a to piano concert. I am so glad we went.

The pianist is a professor of jazz studies at Eastman School of Music. His name is Bill Dobbins. He played Gershwin. AH-MAAA-ZING! However, it was 5,000 degrees in the church and there was this:

Exactly what do you think the average age of their congregation is?

God Will Take Care of You

This may be the cutest thing I have EVER seen!


Adorable 2 year old Sings God Will Take Care of You from emmabelle on GodTube.

and leave that kind of legacy...

I often end up wishing I would’ve said more...

before someone left this world.

I don’t want to wish that this time.

To my Uncle Roger-

You will be greatly missed – your laugh, your words of encouragement (even when someone should’ve been encouraging you), and of course the way you aggravate others (which also means that some of your brothers are going to miss the reinforcement you always provided when plotting to torture your sisters).

The world will keep spinning, but it simply won’t be the same without you in it.

We will cry and grieve for our loss, but we will also celebrate your life. You’re leaving us with great memories and a legacy.

Yep, YOU are most certainly leaving a legacy - and it's a good one!

You are strong - one of the strongest people I have ever known and you have reminded us that life is worth living AND worth fighting for.

You have reminded us to rely on each other and you have taught us to love each other more deeply. 

You have frequently reminded all of us that GOD alone is our everything – our strength , our hope, our comfort, our peace – and we’ve seen Him be all of that in your life.

You have reminded us to cherish today because we may not have tomorrow.

These are words from a song that came to my mind this morning as I prayed for you:

Not well-traveled, not well-read. Not well-to-do or well-bred.

Just want to hear instead, "Well done, good and faithful one..."

I want to leave a legacy.

How will they remember me?

Did I choose to love?

Did I point to you enough to make a mark on things?

I want to leave an offering - a child of mercy and grace who blessed your name unapologetically and leave that kind of legacy.

I want you to know that you are leaving a legacy of FAITH, HOPE & LOVE and that I am grateful and blessed to have you as my uncle.

Thankful Thursday

I'm linking up to Thankful Thursday.

Some days I tend to wallow in my discontent. On those days, I probably complain more than I should which leaves me focusing on everything except what I SHOULD be focusing on - blessings. I am SO incredibly blessed and so I am committing to attempt to walk through my days with a grateful heart.

Life has a way of wearing you down, but there's so much to be thankful for. I have a roof over my head (one that doesn't even leak!), plenty to eat, I have clothes on my back, shoes on my feet  - and that's just the beginning.

I have a wonderful husband who treasures me. I have family who loves me (some because they have to *wink*) and supports me. I have some of the greatest friends a girl could ask for - some I just met 6 months ago, but feel like I've know them so much longer. I have a fabulous church home (and I mean FABULOUS!). This list could seriously go on and on.

Counting your blessings really does put things in perspective. I think we have so much that we take for granted. I don't know about you, but I don't want to live life being ungrateful when there's so much to be thankful for.

I love this song and it's a nice reminder for Thankful Thursday!


Thankful (by Josh Groban) from gregorythetruth on GodTube.

Identity Crisis

How many days of our lives do we spend living in defeat while singing Victory in Jesus? Well, hopefully you're not really singing Victory in Jesus - because that's annoying, but you get the point, right? Fake it til you make it somehow becomes our motto without us even realizing it. You put a smile on your face and go about fulfilling your obligations.

Last Sunday (yes, almost a week ago - yes, I've been thinking about it all week), Pastor Keith started a series on Victory. And right now, I'm not feeling very victorious (but I most certainly have Victory in Jesus stuck in my head! - thank you Southern Gospel upbringing). With the help of my husband, I'm trying to sort out why I am so darn discontent and I think it boils down to the fact that I don't know WHO I am when you detach me from the things I DO. I don't know who I am apart from job titles and positions. I have problems sitting still and I have figured out that I can stay busy all day long and not really know what I did (because it's rarely what I intended to do).

Seriously, is it even possible to not know who you are at 33? Apparently so because I'm having an identity crisis. I decided to make a list of the most simple things I know about ME.

I am:
-a child of God
-a wife (and in turn a daughter-in-law and sis-in-law)
-a daughter
-a friend

Then I made a list of things that I KNOW (even though it may just be head knowledge some days):
-God loves me (even thought I can't figure out why for the life of me)
-God has a plan (thankful for this, because I currently have NO plan. Period.)
-I am where I am for a reason (not just location, but season)
-YHWH (God) provides
-I have a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes on my back and shoes on my feet
-My husband is a gift from God and loves me regardless
-God is good
-I am NOT alone
-I am important

And for now, that's enough. Ever been there?

Meddling in God's Business

So, this week I have been BORED and I have publicly complained about it, but in the women's group I attend at church, some things were pointed out to me that I hadn't really thought about.

I have ALWAYS worked - and not just one job, but several most of the time. I am used to being really busy. This only adds to my seeming inability to BE STILL and enjoy this season of my life. Now don't get me wrong, there are really good days...Tuesday was a REALLY good day (other than the fact that it felt like flippin' July outside!). I went to Target to get a few things, then I drove around town and found a new place to eat at (for my IL readers - it's a lot like Harbaugh's in Cdale). Sweet Pea Cafe. It was so pleasant and relaxing and YUMMY. THEN I went to my new favorite place (move over Blake's there's a new cupcake place and it's closer to my house and their cupcakes are better!). It's called PureDelite and it IS nothing short of delightful. If you come to visit me we ARE going there! Just sayin'!

That was my "SQUIRREL!" moment. Now back to regularly scheduled programming.

How do we know if we are following God's will? For instance, I am wanting to work. I would like a new car (which means I need a job). However, everything I have applied for, looked at, thought about, checked into (you get the point) has yielded no job. What does one make of this?

I know that I have a problem with the BE STILL part of Be Still and Know That I Am God. I could assume that much of this has to do with the fact that it isn't time for me to work or the job isn't ready for me and God is using this season to torture me into teach me about being still. (We keep going back to this lesson. I am thinking I may be a little slow.) However, I feel lazy. I feel like I should be DOING more. I look for jobs, but I honestly feel like when it's time, it will be incredibly obvious. Yet knowing that doesn't help me be still. Do you see my dilemma?

I think alot of times I am tempted to meddle in things that I have no business meddling in because I feel like I need to DO something. I know it's an exercise in futility and it will only lead to dissatisfaction yet my flesh thinks that God needs a little assistance.

Crys is trying to ack-sen-choo-ate the positive and I am going to follow her example. The ladies in my group pointed out a few good things that are coming out of this season and I have since thought of a few more.

During this season, I have made some great friends and have had time to invest in relationships with people...time to sit across from a table and actually talk to someone without doing 15 other things. I have most certainly taken that for granted. A lot of people move to a new place and have no time to develop relationship and end up feeling very lonely and isolated. Not an issue here because I have a lot of awesome people who love on me constantly here.

I have been able to drive around Northeast Ohio and find cool, fun places (and delicious cupcakes!) that I would have never found had I been working.

I have time to make dinner almost every night and sit down and spend time with my husband because I have gotten all of the housework and grocery shopping done while he is at work.

And there is no way that I would've made things like necklaces and scarves when I was working all of the time. Who has time for that crap? Oh wait - I do. And today I'm thankful.

Authenticity

What answer do you expect when you ask someone, "How are you doing?" Do you really want to know the answer to your question, or are you asking out of social obligation? If they reply with more than one word, do you suddenly become uncomfortable? Or, are you disappointed or frustrated when you only get a one word answer?

What answer do you give when someone asks you the question? Do you reply with "Fine", "Ok", "Alright", or is your response honest and a little more descriptive than a simple "Fine"?

It bugs me when someone obviously isn't fine, but says that they are. I typically don't ask how you are or what's going on in your life if I don't want to know, but I am guilty of asking at times that don't allow for adequate time to respond in an honest manner. And I am totally guilty of answering a quick "fine" or "good" in response to someone's question, but get frustrated when that's all I get from someone else. I think I do it because I feel like sometimes people only ask out of social obligation. At other times it just feels plain awkward to give a genuine, honest response (probably because that isn't the 'norm').

Why do we do these things? Do we not have time to stop and listen (or talk - depending on which side you're on)? Are we really so busy that we don't have time for people? Or is it just strange and awkward to talk about what's actually going on in our lives? It is easier to say, "Fine," than to be transparent?

Last Sunday our Pastor talked about authenticity and the importance of it in the body of Christ. When we give the answer of 'fine', we're pretty much not doing anything to build a relationship with another member of 'the body'. Authenticity is one of those things that we could all stand to work on a little (or a lot) - mostly because we aren't that great at it on a consistent basis. We don't always accept people for who they are. Society has this habit of wanting people to fit some mold and sometimes, the church does the same thing. But the truth is, God designed us to be uniquely different. As the body of Christ, shouldn't we embrace those differences and build on individual strengths?

An authentic life is a transparent life. Transparency can leave you feeling vulnerable - naked - but the truth is, you're pretty naked before God already. He knows that you don't have it all together. I am finding that it's liberating to admit I don't have it all together (which requires my being a little more transparent when asked questions that I'm so tempted to just give a one-word response to). Relationships grow and the body of Christ is strengthened through authenticity.

Created to Fly

Outside our kitchen window, you can see our back porch light. Above that light is a bird's nest. This isn't the first time and probably won't be the last. It is apparently a good place to build a nest. I enjoy watching the entire process. Momma Bird starts building.  Leaves, small twigs, grass - whatever she can find - are meshed together to form an adequate place to lay her eggs. She is faithful to tend to her eggs. She sits on that nest on bright sunny days and on windy, rainy, dreary days (which we've had a lot of lately). She knows that eventually, her faithfulness will produce the fruit of cute little baby birds. So she sits. She waits.

Finally the day comes that she's been anticipating - the day when the eggs break open, the day when life springs forth. This time, there were 3. The nest seemed quite adequate for the 3 tiny birds. Momma Bird would fly off and come back with something to eat. So cute to watch them. She would wait a little while and fly off again, only to return with more provision for the ones who couldn't currently care for themselves. As the days passed, the little ones became...well, not so little. Three half-grown birds plus Momma Bird in that nest made the nest look not quite so adequate anymore. Momma Bird knew that it was time. I watched her sit on the roof of the house, chirping away. I'm pretty sure she was saying, "Little ones, I love you so much, but you're not living to your full potential sitting there in that nest - you were made for so much more. You were created to fly. Come on now...spread your wings and SOAR!" And they did....eventually. One bird got to the edge of the nest and jumped back in. Mom continued to chirp and that same bird slowly went to the edge and sort of fell off....guess what happened? The bird flew. And so did the other 2. They played follow the leader. It was so fun to watch. Birds have been building nests there for years, but this was the first time I was able to see them fly for the first time.

As I think about how Momma Bird sat and waiting on those eggs to hatch I can't help but be reminded of Psalm 46:10 -- Be still and know that I am God... Patience is not something I possess and regardless of how much I hate it, there are SO many times when God's answer to my prayer at the moment is simply "be still and know that I am God".

Watching the birds brought so many things to mind. I couldn't help but think about how God takes care of us. He is faithful to provide all that we need - even through stormy seasons when we are incapable of caring for ourselves. (Isaiah 40:28-31 -- Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.)

While watching these birds I was reminded that we too were created for so much more than we often realize. We often want to stay in the nest, even though the nest no longer fits. However, when we decide to take a leap of faith He is there cheering us on as we spread our wings and soar. Remember, we were created for a purpose (Ephesians 2:10 -- For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.)